My first birthday alone
Good morning, afternoon, or whenever it is that you read this.
I am a Gemini, so my birthday's proximity has me in my memories. Generally speaking, my birthdays as a child were good when my father was home. When I became a teenager, my birthdays were much more humble aside from one that I spent in DC - which I should put to text sometime soon. I have a few distinct birthday memories as an adult as well, the best of which were because of my wife. However, today I am remembering the first birthday I ever spent truly alone - when I was an intern working in the small city of Palestine, TX.
It was my last summer in graduate school, and I was interning with the local city government. My main task was to use my journalism training and video editing skills to help cover local events and locations to help promote the city, while also helping the mechanisms of local government (I was, after all, a political science major). I published a blog for the city that was about my experiences as an outsider looking in. The writing was not my best work, but I still feel a little glimmer of pride for the work I did there.
The summer internship provided me an interesting opportunity: to spend my birthday completely alone. I had my birthday dinner with my mother before I left, not intending to return to my old life until my task was done. I was there to immerse myself as a member of the community, and that meant navigating my birthday independently.
Maybe I'll do another live travelogue someday. It still makes my heart race thinking about it.
My birthday was on a Saturday. I was away from the eyes of everyone I knew; I had just decided to discard the last vestiges of my Christian faith; and I was still trying to figure out who I would be in the aftermath of my father's recent passing. I would have a beautifully lonely birthday on my own terms, and revel in the melancholy.
I'm not sure why I like staying in that dark place sometimes.
I woke up early in the morning and had a bowl of cereal while the sun rose over historic downtown.
I went down after breakfast. I was a resident of The Redlands Hotel that summer, which is right across from a stark white Catholic church. That day was my first time truly experiencing the magic of a historic downtown. The street was, at the time, lined with antique stores, thrift shops, clothing boutiques and, of course, restaurants but most of the town was asleep until 10. The Redlands was at the far point of the main downtown thoroughfare, and I had expected the trek to the courthouse at the other end to take maybe fifteen minutes total.
It took me nearly two hours. I didn't buy very much - I couldn't - but I found that I loved something I had always considered a joke: antiquing. Antiquing is now one of my wife and my favorite things to do. I purchased a chess set even though I am hopeless at chess, which I gifted to the graduate assistant office when I left. I bought a fedora from the men's shop (shut up, I know). And I had to talk myself down from some wall art.
There was a wine bar on my route. After talking to the proprietor, I purchased a bottle, and continued on my way up the street. I ate a lovely sandwich at the deli, and a piece of buttermilk pie further up the street at the bakery. It was the early afternoon when I got back to my domicile and went upstairs to bake my cake. I don't remember much about how my evening ended. My cake was inoffensive and I discovered I did not like wine. Anything more has been buried beneath the merciless sands of time.
I had received a call from my mother, as well as eight or so well-wishes on Facebook. But no familial expectations, no visitors. Everything had been done on my terms. My internship and Palestine had their issues, of course, but that summer helped me confirm the romanticism of being alone. I realize that it's not for everyone, and not everyone has the privilege I had, and I am grateful I had the opportunity.
Since my marriage, I have contently spent every birthday with my wife. She lets me set the pace for what I want my birthday to be, and its one of many reasons I love her. We have friends, family, but no obligations. This birthday we had a lovely lunch down in Houston, a drink or two, and visited a few shops. Later in the evening I took an hour or two to walk the bayou alone as the sun set. It was wonderful.
Thank you for reading, if you made it this far.